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The White Goat: Turning Office Paper into Toilet Paper

  • Environment
  • green office
  • recycle
  • sustainability

It’s Friday afternoon; your boss has covered your analysis report in red pen and the intern has given you yet another unintelligible blog to review. You’re left with a dilemma; you want to rip these documents into teeny tiny pieces and throw them on the ground in a blind rage – but you’re also worried that your colleagues might think you’re overreacting. Fear no more. Japanese paper-shredding company Oriental have devised an exquisitely passive-aggressive way of taking out your frustrations with your colleagues – and helping build a better planet while you do it.

The White Goat is an office appliance that converts paper into toilet roll. Invented by Kimihiro Nozawa, Head of Research at Oriental, the White Goat can convert 40 A4 sheets into a toilet paper roll in 30 minutes. It saves an average office over 60 trees a year from being converted into toilet paper, so you can enjoy the ultimate satisfaction of contributing to a better world as you wipe your behind with your colleagues’ inadequacy.

In their lifetime, the average person pampers their posterior with roughly 10 trees. With recycled toilet paper in steady decline, re-using office paper is a novel way of tackling a worsening problem.

So, how does it work? Once you’ve asked Simon if you can have a quick look at his board meeting notes, you gleefully feed them to the White Goat’s built-in shredder. The machine happily guzzles them up and, once shredded, pulps the pieces up by spinning them in water until they break apart. As Simon looks on in horror, the resulting liquid is spread into thin sheets, dried, and wound up into toilet paper rolls. You then proceed to collect the toilet roll at the other end of the machine and can begin sauntering over to the toilet, but not without first reminding Simon to never – ever – steal your yoghurt from the office fridge again.

This said, the White Goat isn’t a magical solve-all. At almost two metres in height, weighing over 600kg, and costing over $100,000, this paper shredder isn’t just something you can expense and pop under your desk – and there’s also the question of electricity and water usage.

Can this invention compete with green industry superstars such as electronic motorways and impossible meat? Maybe not yet. But if a technology like this can help the planet whilst making even the most climate-sceptic Charlie smile, it gets the green light from me. I, for one, definitely know who’s work I’ll be converting into bog roll.


Author: Alex Jones

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